Let’s get into this. I have a 7 month old baby and I adore her. I want to be with her 99% of the time. Except the middle of the night. Then I wish my husband could spew milk out of those otherwise useless nipples and help a sister out. But I digress.
I feel pressured to share my baby with other people. With friends, family, neighbors, the mailman, everyone. Because people love her. They want to be with her and are not shy about it. “oh I miss her” “I never get to see her” “let me hold her!” Listen, she is our kid. MINE and Her Daddy’s. I held her in my body for over 9 months. I labored for 40+ hours with her. They cut me open and yanked her out. MY nipples were raw for months as I gave her life. She woke up us every 2-4 hours for weeks. She stole our hearts, she made us parents.
She is our baby. Not yours. We owe you nothing.
I realize people want to see her, and I appreciate that people recognize her undeniable cuteness. But, like, too bad.
Maybe this is all in my head. Maybe no one is putting pressure on me. But as a new mom, a woman, a human – I feel like people think I am selfish with my baby. I try not to let it get it me. I try not to let it effect me. I try not to feel bad when I choose to stay home and play with my baby. Or when we’re in a large group and I steal away and feed her so we can connect again. and then hold her for a few extra moments after she’s done eating just so I can have her full attention a little longer. I do it, but I do feel bad. Guilty even.
We are figuring out how to be parents, she is figuring out, literally everything for the first time. We want to be there and see it all. Watch her roll over, touch grass, touch the sand, go swimming, sit in stroller like a big girl, pop a tooth, giggle. We want to see it all.
She’s only going to be a baby for the blink of an eye. She’s only going to be nursing for such a tiny short period of time. She’s only going to have those chunky thighs for 2 minutes. We are only going to be her whole world for about 4 seconds. And then it’s all over. She can eat real food, go to bed on her own, walk away, go to school, get married, move away, gone.
And now I have made myself cry, again.
Because she’s ruined me. In the best way possible. She’s made me love deeper, appreciate every little moment so much more. She’s made me fall 100x deeper in love with her Daddy. She’s made me see and experience the Love of God in a way I never even imagined. She’s made my faith grow exponentially as I cling to God minute by minute trying to figure this out.
So, yeah. I am selfish with her. Deal.
Photos courtesy of Mary Piasecki