I have been an aunt for almost a decade. While I have four most adorable nephews, there was nothing quite like having my niece brought into the world. All my nephews live in Idaho, I love them deeply, but girls are girls. And being created as a woman is SUCH an honor that I am incredibly passionate about. It has taken me time and so much experience to believe that and to represent it in my own life. When my niece was born, so was a responsibility (that I will feel for my own baby girls one day too) to influence and pour into her a special kind of love. I have endured many things as a female thus far, and to equip her as best I can has become my greatest desire.
Being a girl in this world is hard—being a human is hard. We live in an age where everything is right and everything is wrong. Where girls so easily are pressured into so many things, and their true worth is unseen because our culture has created such a fog around what IS valuable. Until I have my own daughters, Lillian is the closest girl to my heart I get to build up and to love as best as I know how. To help her love her identity and find her worth and be everything she was created as a woman to be. To raise her in love; To pray over her and to speak love into her when she might not even know what I’m saying. She doesn’t even comprehend yet, but words are life and death. Words evoke and grow and change. She is so worthy of love and grace. She is the crown of creation, a part of the species created last in this world, with Gods final breath, He created woman. We are the Crown, the final piece that completed the process. We have the ability to love like no other and to fuel and create. Its such a responsibility. To pour out a love like this into her now is only creating the foundation of which she lives and serves in her life. When you evolve in this, you know nothing else. Here are glimpses of my journey of this discovery so far:
MY OWN CULTIVATION:
I struggled with an eating disorder for over four years, and in my process of healing I had come to this season where I was at rock bottom. Just throwing myself wherever I could feel control. 18 years old, had just gotten out of a long-term relationship, finished therapy, partying every weekend to just escape from a life where I didn’t know who I was at all. One thing led to another and one morning I drove home still intoxicated and my parents found out everything. They cut me off hard (and I am SO grateful!!). No more, time to focus in, time to change your habits. This had forced me into time to come back to the heart of worship. Being attune with the Lord. The one thing I had been consistently running from. I was told about a book by John and Staci Elderidge called Captivating. It wrecked me. I began a journey home when I picked that book up for the first time. It was something I used as a method of finding out who I was. The person I was created to be.
Captivating taught me about what God created women for, our purpose and how it’s an incredible honor to be born a woman. It taught me that a lot of the things I think and feel about myself are part of what we strive to correct within womanhood, but that’s its totally OK to feel and experience them. It taught me grace for myself and for other women too. We are all just trying to feel loved and admired. It’s a longing, a soul craving. And it’s OK.
STEPPING INTO DEEPER UNDERSTANDING:
Last year in the spring I was beginning to struggle heavily mentally with my body image once again. It had become worse than ever since my therapy (4 years). I began having to fight very hard for myself, trying to maintain regular workouts and healthy eating, but it all felt so fake, and like a burden. I decided that come fall I was going to go through Teacher Training to finally become a Yoga instructor (a long-time dream). This was very much a part of me stepping into a place of uncomfortable as I hadn’t been in “school” or done anything new and different in a few years. TT was life changing. It taught me this incredible balance of awareness and honesty with myself. Feeling everything, and recommitting to myself to act out of awareness. It was such a liberating experience. Connecting back to that purpose and that foundation of what makes me who I am, and what makes my role here valuable.
Learning our value and living in freedom to be who we were created to be is such a gift. If you aren’t there yet, start your journey. Having my niece come into my life, I adopted a commitment to pour into her and help her grow into her womanhood. To help her find that journey and to love and support her until she’s old enough to do so. Until I have my own daughters, she is the priority. To be a woman, to have a role, to love and to love greatly. Love unlike anything else in this whole world. We have that power. Once you find your way, you find those who you can walk along side and foster. An incredible gift to have and to share. This whole life is one big process and it’s so vital to help each other along the way.
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