She feels like she is just one of people’s many options, and yet she just sticks around and waits to get picked. She knows she is better than being people’s back up plan, and she doesn’t deserve to be second choice.
And yet here she is, being treated that way.
She lives her life not giving herself credit, or treating herself like a top priority, so no one else does.
Friends, can I just be honest with you for a minute?
I am so tired.
I am so tired of being taken advantage of, being second choice, being cancelled on or showed up late to because I AM NICE. Kim will understand. Kim will forgive me. You know what? I am understanding and kind and get that life happens. People run late, traffic happens, events come up, illness comes out of no where. I GET IT. However, I am tired of being everyone’s doormat because I am ‘so understanding.’ Grace for everyone. GRACE FOR YOU, GRACE FOR YOU! YOU ARE GOING HOME WITH GRACE. Then, there is no grace left for me.
This is not the Oprah Show and I am tired of handing out free excuses and “no worries” and “its okay’s” when you know what? It is really not. It is not okay that for almost a year and a half you chose your friends and work over me to avoid home and relationship responsibilities. It is not okay that you cancelled on a trip we had been planning for months (correction, I HAD been planning for months) for really no good reason 4 days before. Oh, and its non refundable. It’s not okay that everything is on your time and your convenience. That is not how relationships works. It is a two way street. You may not keep me waiting for half of a day waiting for you to confirm our plans because that is actually rude. And I deserve better.
Last night I felt the weight of the world push me straight into a dark rabbit hole. I felt the magnitude of spending the rest of my life as second choice, as people’s doormat. I felt like I couldn’t breathe and that if I couldn’t come up for air soon, I would certainly die.
Honestly, right now, I am having a hard time loving humanity. Humans treat each other terribly, have short memories and repeat history, making the same mistakes globally and in their personal realm.
Luckily, not everyone is like that. I have friends that treat me the way I treat them.
Also, luckily, I am a quick learner.
I am learning that setting boundaries and choosing yourself first will show other’s that is what you deserve to be treated. I am learning that ‘no’ is the word of strength, not of weakness, and that my tolerance for 2nd chances is low. And that is okay.
Because when I start choosing myself first, so will others. I am worth it. And if you come into my life and treat me otherwise, trust me, you won’t be there for long.
So here’s that daily reminder that you are not an option, so don’t let people treat you like one. -Audi Anderson